


In Bloom

by OliverIvanov



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Fluff, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Not Beta Read, Trans Character, Trans Evan Hansen, gender non conforming
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-25
Updated: 2021-01-25
Packaged: 2021-03-17 04:40:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28968444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OliverIvanov/pseuds/OliverIvanov
Summary: They're trying to find clothes to go to a wedding, but Connor's eyes keep wandering somewhere...Featuring: Trans Evan and GNC Connor
Relationships: Evan Hansen/Connor Murphy
Comments: 5
Kudos: 33





	In Bloom

**Author's Note:**

> I have several shorts planned for this Fix It Fic sort of universe, but I started writing in the middle, so you don't know the particulars, not that you need them to understand anything. This takes place in their late 20s and they are way more well adjusted than when they were teens.
> 
> As far as warnings go, nothing bad happens really. There's some internalized doubt and worry about gender presentation and alludes to Connor self harming in the past, but it's almost pure fluff.

They were going to a wedding, a second cousin or third niece once removed “or whatever” of Connor’s. It was on his mom’s side, so he had assured Evan it wouldn’t be as bad “as it possibly could be,” which didn’t mean much. Evan wasn’t too worried anyway, not more so than he usually was. 

Cynthia said not to worry about gifts, they could sign the card with the rest of the Murphy’s, but that the dress code was “floral”. It was going to be a gorgeous spring wedding in a garden, and “Melony” wanted her guests to be part of the scenery. Which was to say, they were currently loitering around Kohl's, not really liking anything, but not with much time to not make a decision. 

Evan had been considering a periwinkle button up with white and pink blooms. It was definitely bolder than something he’d usually wear, but also it’d go well with a suit jacket he already had. Or maybe plain blue with a floral tie? 

“You see anything, Connor?” Evan asked on the other side of the rack, eyes darting between a shirt that was better fitted and another that had more aesthetic merit.

Evan heard a huff, “Not really,” Connor answered. He sounded like he was getting frustrated; he never liked going clothes shopping much, or any shopping. They both preferred buying stuff online, but it wasn’t like anything they’d order now would get there in time and if it did, it probably wouldn’t fit, and- this was why they were at Kohl’s. 

“I’ve found a couple things I might try, so I’ll help you,” Evan says, turning to face his boyfriend. He’d put his hair up, “‘cause I didn’t wanna brush it”, and had on a mint colored hoodie. It was cute. Connor’s color palette had definitely expanded after college. There was still a lot of black and grey, but it had only made the sprinkling of colors more apparent. 

Evan could see Connor accessing his shirt choices, his tired eyes looking gentle all of a sudden. 

“You gonna pick out a tie?” he said softly, fingers brushing the back of Evan’s neck. He felt his ears go pink.

“I’ll see which one fits better and then I’ll try to look for one.”

Connor made a small hmm sound, “You definitely gotta get a bow tie. You’d be perfect in a bow tie.” 

Evan smiled brightly, “Okay, but I like you in tie-ties better.” 

“Tie-ties? Really Evan? The only reason you like them is so ya’ can manhandle-”

“Okay! Okayokayokay! We’re dropping that; we have to find you an outfit!” Evan laughed. 

Connor gives him a lopsided grin, returning dutifully to the rack for the time being. Evan stares at the tags - classic, athletic, slim fit, extra slim fit, regular - what the difference between athletic and slim, he wasn’t sure. He liked the warm grey one, with big bursting blooms of red, pink, and orange. 

“Hey, Con, what about this one?” Evan asked, raising the shirt up for approval. It took a moment for him to catch up with Evan’s question, eyes darting around before finally landing back on Evan. Worry hit him for a moment, but Connor looked relaxed, brown eyes calm as they rested on him. 

“Yeah,” he replies after a moment of inspection, “I’ll try it on.” 

It feels odd because the response feels a bit distant, but not unpleasant. Evan chalks it up to shopping exhaustion… or just regular exhaustion. He goes back to rifling through the racks- Connor had gotten pretty good at telling him when something was wrong, so Evan wasn’t going to worry till Connor said he had to.

The process repeats itself; Evan picks out a shirt and Connor’s eyes dart back from somewhere far off. Evan goes quiet, trying to see where his eyes keep wandering to. Every time Connor feels his eyes he averts them and then goes back a moment later. And then Evan sees it. Evan walks up to it, rubbing the sleeves between his fingers. 

“It’s really pretty isn’t it?” he remarks offhandedly, as though he hadn’t noticed his boyfriend’s lingering eyes on the dress. It’s white and the arms are translucent, sheer, with tiny pastel flowers embroidered everywhere. It’s nothing like anything Connor has ever worn before and it’s perfect. Evan thinks of how Connor’s collage of tattoos would peek out from behind the sleeves.

“It’s fine,” Connor replied, crossing his arms tight across his chest. 

“You want to try it on?” Evan continued, pulling one off the rack. 

“Why would I- they probably don’t even have my size, Evan!” The brunette argues, attempting to snatch it out of Evan’s hands, but he swerves around and drapes it over the tentative dress shirts. 

“You’re not exactly bulky,” Evan assures, “I think it’ll be fine! Maybe a little shorter than intended, but you know tons of people would kill to have your legs!” 

Connor scoffs, but Evan can see him smile. Evan smiles back. 

“You can pick me one out too if that makes you feel better.”

Connor looks surprised, “You don’t have to- I know how dysphoric they use to be for you.” 

Evan hums, “They did, but also I shouldn’t have to be hypermasculine because other people are confused.” 

It comes out casual, but really, they both feel the weight of what Evan is saying. It took a long time for him to be ok with Connor painting his nails or letting his hair grow out past his ears. It took even longer for him to feel like it didn’t destroy every ounce of progress he had made transitioning. 

“You’d look so fucking cute,” Connor murmured, leaning against him a little. 

“Yeah,” Evan repeats, “I’d be super cute.”

“Ok,” Connor says, pulling away. “I’m gonna find you the cutest dress I can find and we’re going to be the most sickeningly gross couple here.” 

“Sounds like a plan, meet me in the dressing room?”

“Yeah.”

As he walks away, Evan can’t help but beam; he couldn’t have a more perfect boyfriend. They’d both come so far since they’d met and he couldn’t help but well up with pride for Connor, gorgeous, brave, wonderful Connor. 

Evan lets himself into the dressing room and begins to attack his pile. The first shirt was too tight around his shoulders, the second too itchy, and halfway through taking the third off, he heard a tap on the door.

“Hey, let me in, babe.”

Evan unlocked the door, still shirtless. Connor squeezes himself in the small dressing room and sits against the ledge in the corner. 

“What if it hadn’t been me?” Evan asks, eyebrow raised. 

“Then this would be very awkward.”

This is one of those moments that if Evan had been drinking something, he would have spit all over. Thankfully he wasn’t, or they would have had to buy every single article of clothing he would have certainly destroyed. Instead, he leans back with a loud laugh, bracing himself against the wall. 

“It wasn’t that funny, Ev,” Connor says, looking down at him fondly.

“It wasn’t,” he parroted, trying to catch his breath. “So, what did you bring me?”

“It’s ok if you don’t like it,” Connor prefaces as he shuffles through his pile, “but I think it suits you.” His boyfriend pulls out a collared sundress; sleeveless, as to not hinder his shoulders, striped light blue (his favorite color) and white with a blue ribbon wrapped around the waist. 

He’d had one similar when he was a little, except yellow with little, white polka dots. His mom had called it his adventure dress. There used to be a framed photo of it in their living room. His mom and dad had taken him to the lake towards the end of town. The picture mostly showed his back, golden curls everywhere. It had been windy and his tiny hands clutched for dear life on a big floppy hat as he pointed out the geese to his parents. His mom had taken it down when he had admitted he wasn’t a girl. He wondered if she still had it somewhere, though. 

“It looks great, Connor,” he said, hand grasping at the cotton. “My turn first?”

Connor nodded sheepishly.

“Alrighty,” Evan said, pulling himself up by Connor’s knees, only to give his boyfriend a quick peck on the lips. “It’s perfect,” he assures. 

Taking the dress, he unbuttons the front and pulls it over his head. It’s not made for anyone with particularly noticeable breasts, so luckily his flat chest doesn’t distort its shape. In fact, it feels snug against his chest as he buttons up. The skirt goes just past his knees; he feels so light.

“I think a twirl is in order,” Evan jokes.

“You must,” his boyfriend insists in mock seriousness. 

“Then I shall,” he says, doing as quick of a turn as he dared in such tight quarters. It’s fun, he thinks as he completes his rotation. Connor’s hands found purchase at his waist. 

“You look absolutely stunning,” Connor says, looking up from his seat with wide eyes. “I don’t know how you got so confident. I was the “loud one” in high school!”

“Maybe you’ve rubbed off on me a bit.”

“Are you gonna get it?” Connor asks seriously, fingers digging into his back. 

He thinks for a moment, “I’m not sure. It is cute, but I’m not sure when I’d wear it… and I still have to buy something for the wedding but-”

“I’ll pay for it!” 

“But, if my boyfriend likes it that much, I bet we can figure out a date night for it.”

“Cool.”

“Yeah, cool.” Evan smiles, “I think you’re up.”

Connor frowns, “We’ll see if it even fits.”

“If my dumb shoulders and chubby gut can fit into a dress, you definitely can!” 

Connor stands trading spots with Evan. The dress is hung on the hook with the rest of his shirt options. Connor shrugs off his clothes in a hurry, trying to stave off his nerves. His eyes catch himself in the mirror as he tries to get his comically long legs out of skin-tight pants. He bites the inside of his cheek. While not as fuzzy as Evan, he feels self-conscious about how his hairy legs will look peeking under his dress, how his (albeit colorfully covered) scars will appear peeking through the sheer material, how his gangly figure wouldn’t be able to fill out the right places. For the first time in years, he feels ugly.

Evan is looking at him expectantly, so he turns to the dress and unzips the back. As he slips it on, he half expects he won’t be able to get his arms through, and while a little shorter than probably intended, he doesn’t feel like a sausage as he had expected. 

Evan is absolutely beaming at Connor. “Want me to zip you up?”

“Please?” 

It’s more intimate than Connor expected, watching Evan behind him in the mirror. He holds his breath, expecting the zipper to catch and be told that unfortunately, this had all been impossible from the start. Instead, Evan pulls the zipper up in one smooth motion, the sound of the metal feeling louder than Connor’s own pounding heart. 

He feels Evan’s lips on the back of his neck. ”Gorgeous,” Evan proclaims. 

Connor releases the air from his lungs like a pin-pricked balloon.

“Do you like it?” Evan asks. 

“Yeah. Yes, I do. Weird, but kinda nice,” he says, testing how it felt as he twisted his torso or moved his arms. "Really nice."  
.  
xxxx

That weekend, they made their way to Pennsylvania and shared a hotel room with Zoey and her roommate. Zoey and Connor braid each other’s hair for the wedding. (Evan had taken pictures of the two as they sat on one of the beds wearing sheet masks and listening to Paramore.) Zoey’s had become a circlet around her head; Connor’s loosely ending in a large bun on the top of his head. Chelsea (the roommate) had commented how she wished her siblings got along that well, which had the two Murphy kids side-eyeing each other. Evan felt too awkward to elaborate.

The afternoon of the wedding was unusually hot for mid-spring and hardly anyone remained in their suit jackets through the procession. Connor tangles their fingers together as they watch the bride walk up the aisle. She’s practically the only one wearing white, funny enough. Melony seems outgoing, maybe even nice. Evan expects the exchanging of vows would be very emotional if he knew her. Someone whom he assumes is the bride’s mother, agrees, sobbing quite audibly. 

When the ceremony is over, the Murphy’s (plus Chelsea, The Roommate, and Evan, The Boyfriend) gather around a big shady oak tree. People are milling about, drinks in hand, as they vie for the newly wedded couple’s attention. Cynthia goes on about how lovely the whole thing is. Larry winds up having a very passionate conversation about sports with one of his wife’s cousins. The girls are sipping on something fruity, making smug comments on every song that comes on (it’s a lot of country). Connor rolls up his sleeves. 

The motion is always significant to Evan. It is an unabashed sign of progress for Connor. Evan is also rather fond of his boyfriend’s arms. He smirks at Evan when he realizes where Evan’s looking. He liked the way the dark navy of the shirt made his tattoos look that much brighter. They had actually managed to semi-match, which had made Zoey wrinkle her nose at how disgustingly coupley they were. 

He hadn’t worn The Dress. They had agreed it was not worth the family drama and in Connor’s words, “I wouldn’t want to upstage the bride on her wedding day.” Said dress was hanging in their closet at home, waiting for their next night out. Despite that, it had felt like every moment after putting it on, Connor wore a confidence he hadn’t before. 

Bride and groom made their way onto the temporary dance floor that had been placed in the clearing. The crowd began to stir as they took their first dance as husband and wife. When the song came to a close, they kissed, somewhat more passionate what made Evan comfortable. Considering the circumstances, he supposed it was allowed. Breaking away from each other, Melony and Tyler (The Husband) invited their guests onto the dance floor with them. Another slow, droning song started playing.

“Blegh, straight people,” Connor said, scrunching his nose almost exactly as his sister had this morning.

Evan laughed, “Yeah, gross.”

“Wanna go sway awkwardly together?”

“I’d loved to.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. I started this as I have many things, years ago and only finished it now. It's not as polished as it could be, but I kind of just wanted to complete it, even if it wasn't perfect.


End file.
